B23: Peer Edit Research Article #1

The Intro: A biography is an interesting choice! You do a good job at pulling the reader in with what happened to be an ironic statement. Your essay caught my attention with that hilarious graduation quote, which brought back my memories that were made half a year ago at my own graduation. I want to read on because I am interested to hear more about Edwin Hubble’s extraordinary and likely successful life. Both brilliant and physically adept! I thought your introduction was good because it got me interested while also keeping what you will reveal in your essay a mystery, leading me to want to read on. I have no suggestions.
Organization: I thought that your intro was good at giving information on the type of character that Hubble has, and then by saying he has a whole list of experiences and achievements in life makes him very impressive and gets the reader intrigued without giving away all of your information. The transition into your next paragraph was great because it brought in background information and helped establish a base for the person you just introduced. The ideas you introduce are related, but sometimes they feel like they aren’t that relevant because you only introduce them in one or two sentences. I like the aspect of shortness but sometimes it is hard to find the relevance of the people you introduce because of how you are wording it? I enjoy your evidence though and like that there are a lot of historical facts and primary sources that you can include to make your readers feel more immersed in Hubble’s personal life and challenges (his father’s desires vs his own desires, etc.). No conclusion, but your outline looks good.
Voice and Audience: The tone of this article is engaging because you tell it like a story. Since this is basically a biography, the chronological ordering makes perfect sense. The audience could be anyone since we all could be affected by knowing about Hubble’s amazing life as a pioneer in the field of astronomy. You do a good job at keeping the information fun and simple as not to bore the reader.
Mechanics: Your vocabulary is varied. I did not see many issues with the mechanics.

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